Elika made sure that most everything in life was fun and resonated on a personal level with each of us. She shared much of her life’s philosophy through essays she posted online. This compilation is a glimpse into the heart and soul of Elika – the mother, the wife, the daughter, the friend – as she traveled her last journey:
“In a weird way, I feel happier than I was before. Things that are important are clearer than ever, and things that used to be annoying are much less so. I’m kinder to strangers, grateful to wake up each morning, and all the sappy other stuff you would expect from a mother of three.
I take my kids to the park for HOURS now, and I play with them because I want to – not because I am counting the minutes til naptime. I laugh out loud at the crazy things they say, and act extra silly in public – it’s great. I had such moments with my kids before all this, of course, but its markedly different now. Sometimes I even feel strangely guilty because I wonder if this is how most mothers have always felt, but somehow I was too busy to figure it out?
I don’t want to paint myself as some sort of saintly figure that walks around telling everyone how special they are, never has a cross moment, and smiles all the time. Those of you who know me can attest that I am still me – but the blessing, I think, is in the way I perceive the things in my world, and how I can now more easily prioritize that which is important.
Here’s where I am now: life doesn’t come with any guarantees, and no one’s life will be easy and joyous all the time. The thing about cancer is, you can’t go around it – you have to barrel straight through the middle to get to the other side, even if it’s not a fun trip. So I’m barreling through.
I like to think that, in the greater plan of the universe, every family is probably hit with at least one major health trauma. I hope and pray that I am ours, and am more than happy to bear that burden if by some cosmic force, everyone else gets spared something major. Frankly, I cannot imagine coping nearly as well with Rich or the kids being sick. I would choose for it to be me every time. I don’t say that to lay myself out as some great martyr, we all know I’m not – and besides, I know for certain that everyone reading this would do the same for the people they love.
But I’m a much stronger person now, and I appreciate all the good, and even the bad and tedious moments life has to offer. This is what makes it such a blessing. You are forced to consider, more often than you ever might have, that the timeline of your life may not be as endless as you once supposed. Maybe it will be, but maybe it won’t. Maybe you will never get cancer again, but maybe it will be back in a year. And so, dare I say, I am a better mother than before, and hopefully a better friend, and at times, even a better wife.
Regarding Richard: Little did I know when I married this man that his shoulders were more than big enough for both of us. He is so committed to me and to our family, and treats me so incredibly specially. It would be nice if I told him how important he is now and again, huh? I must work on that. But at least now all of you can also tell him!
But enough about me, let’s talk about YOU — ALL OF YOU. I’ve truly had my Sally Fields moment these last few weeks, and I can’t thank everyone enough for reaching out with their love, support, humor and willingness to pitch in and do anything to make this easier for me. How incredible to have so many people I respect, admire and adore write to say “I BELIEVE!”. What a special community of family and friends I have, and I cherish each communication — it makes such a difference in my spirit to know you are thinking of me, of Rich, and of our kids. Even if I’m not able to respond right away, know that you are keeping me in immeasurable good cheer.
Do you remember that Donny & Marie song from the close of their old TV show? Despite some memory loss due to chemo, I still remember all the words. “May tomorrow be a perfect day, may you find love and laughter along the way, may God keep you in his tender care, ‘til he brings us together again”. I love the inference in the song that God only need watch over us until we’re back with Donny & Marie for the next show. In any case, I do like the words to the song, and I hope above all, that whoever it is that’s watching over us keep you and yours in good health, good spirits and good humor.”
